Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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