i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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