I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
