and she was petting her beer can
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
