sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
