Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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