My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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