you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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