i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
