She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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