Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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