He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
