Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
