I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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