Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize