you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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