ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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