I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
