i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
