I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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