I think I died a long time ago.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
