i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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