just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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