dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
