You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
