I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
