At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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