My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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