How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
