There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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