how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
