Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
