you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
third nipple confirmed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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