it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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