She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
