I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
