Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
