So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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