I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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