I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
