i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
