Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
