Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
