you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
