You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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