Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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