This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
