YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
