Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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