Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Someone shattered a urinal.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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