We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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