Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
