Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
