Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
