the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
