he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
