You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
