i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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