You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize