I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
