Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
