I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
