batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
