Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
