Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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