I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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