I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
